When did I fall in Love with Theory

Yes, I also know when I fell in love with Hip hop too 1978. I fell in love with theory late in my life’s journey I was 41, that was tens years ago. Davis,hooks,Hall,Fanon,Spivack,Bhabha,Foucault,Butler,Spade,Rubin are only a small taste, Race theory, Queer, theory,Trans Theory, Disability Theory, Feminist Theory, Subaltern Theory. I was not a child that read, nor is it the first form of learning I choose, but I think that my ability to listen and watch folks live theory has informed my love of theory.It’s funny though, coming out and saying you love theory has been difficult, if fact at times I have been made to feel shame, or I am an elitist, or I think I am smarter than others, or accused of being in accessible and privileged.Having learning disabilities, reading and writing come to me difficultly asks any of my professors and friends who have struggled to read, edit, and help me push through.But back to theory, I think I love it most for its story telling ability, to link conversations global, historically, and visionary. Theory is not owned by anyone person or discipline, writing or spoken. I think though if I loved music,poetry,and dance (which I do) I would find the response much different, I love the beat of the song, the cadence of your words, the image of your body when it is doing what it loves. What is it about theory? why is it such a dirty shameful word, I work out 2-8 hours a day, I am dedicated,frustrated,mad at, fall back in love with,sacrifice and yes skip a day,but when I use it, unlike those who take their shirt off after years of working out who we admire,I am made to feel bad. Yes knowing your audience is important, making connections is great. I find poetry hard to understand sometimes,but poetry is story telling, like dance is story telling, and sculpting ones body, So, yes I fell in love with theory, deep complicated, frustrating, beautiful, love, love I can not get enough of….I write this as a newly outed theory head and claiming as a part of a self-loving act.


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